What to dress a baby in for a condolence visit

Plain and quiet

Visits after a death in the family are rarely planned. There is the first visit to offer condolences, and in many families a Quran khwani, a soyem on the third day and a chehlum around the fortieth day. Customs vary between families and communities, but adults usually dress simply, often in white, off-white or muted colours, without jewellery or heavy embroidery.

Nobody expects a baby to be formally dressed. What people notice is whether the outfit sits quietly in the room: plain colours, nothing loud or glittery, and nothing that jingles when the baby moves.

Colours and details

• Good colours: white, cream, oatmeal, grey, charcoal, sage and navy.
• Skip bright party colours, sequins, net frills and big bows.
• Leave off anything that makes noise: anklets with bells, squeaky shoes, rattling toys clipped to clothes.
• Choose small, quiet prints or none at all.
• For babies, knit sets in plain colours work well, such as the Oatmeal Teddy Ribbed Top & Jogger Set, the Sage Waffle-Knit Henley & Jogger Set or, in winter, the Charcoal Waffle-Knit Henley & Jogger Set. The charcoal set is a wool knit.

Keeping a baby settled

Condolence gatherings are often in crowded rooms, with people sitting close together on floor sheets or chairs for a long time. Dress the baby in one layer less than you might for an outing, with a cardigan you can add, because a packed room warms up fast.

Choose clothes that make feeding easy and quiet, and bring a soft toy that doesn’t rattle. If the baby cries, step outside for a few minutes. Hosts and guests are almost always understanding; what matters is that you came.

If the gathering is at a house you don’t know well, ask quietly where you can feed or change the baby before you need to. Hosts are busy on these days, and a quick word early saves you hunting for a room with a crying baby later.

For toddlers and older children

At a Quran khwani, children usually sit on the floor with everyone else. A plain kurta shalwar in white or a light colour is a common choice for boys, with a prayer cap if your family uses one. Girls often wear a simple shalwar kameez with a light dupatta that stays on the head without constant adjusting.

Trousers need to be comfortable for sitting cross-legged, and kurtas should not be so long that they bunch underneath. Our kids kurta and kameez size chart shows typical lengths by age.

Older children are sometimes asked to help, handing round water or siparas, or sitting with those reciting. A plain outfit with a pocket for a handkerchief, and a prayer cap or dupatta kept in the bag, means they are ready without a fuss.

Keep one plain outfit ready

Because these visits come at short notice, it helps to keep one plain, clean outfit in the current size for each child, so you are not ironing or searching while the family is waiting. A plain knit set from our baby sets or a simple white kurta covers most of these occasions for babies and children.

For other family gatherings and what to wear to them, browse the rest of our occasions and traditions posts.

Sources

The advice on layers in a warm, crowded room follows general guidance from the NHS and The Lullaby Trust on avoiding overheating.

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